Did you know that my father is a nazi? I certainly didn't.
But that's not what my mother will tell you. She will spin all sorts of wild tales about his quest to destroy our family. She's certain that he's done everything in his power to "buy" my sister and I, with an inheritance that we have never seen. My sister and I are both adults, and our parents divorced officially about three years ago. They'd been fighting for some time, and were completely justified in separating. My sister and I were fine with this decision, again, because we are both adults. But this doesn't stop my mother's claims that we secretly hate her for making this very personal decision. She's simply adamant that we're harboring awful grudges against her.
This is because we don't like to discuss their divorce. For some reason, being against the character slams of my father are unreasonable to her. And it makes her claims that much more fervent. I know, because I receive several emails daily, describing her viewpoint.
You see, by several, I mean over 30 to 50 separate messages daily. While she's always been somewhat of a homebody, the email load has tripled in the last twelve months alone. The constant barrage of inbox dings is borderline obsessive. Her insistence that my sister and I are against her gets more impassioned by the day. And while they began as a well-written argument, they are not necessarily well thought out, and have morphed into frequently misspelled and terrifying accounts of abuse and fear.
Such as this direct quote: "I AM ENTITLED TO THRASH THE FUCK OUT OF HIM IN A FEW BRIEF SENTENCES ABOUT FEASTING ON MY CHILDREN'S LIVES LIKE A NAZI WHILE WEARING A SILLY GRIN ON HIS FACE!"
Yes, the capital letters are included in the original message. Ahem.
Ladies and Gentlemen - my mom doesn't know she's crazy.
I'm not a psychiatrist, but I can recognize odd behavior just as well as the next person. She's always had a hole in her bag of marbles, and she's always been mostly harmless. To the outside world, she's a little quirky - but it can be much more than that when you feel like "Mommy Dearest" is a an autobiography.
If you've ever met someone, or are someone, who has a parent such as this, you'll know that these accounts can be so bizarre they seem completely made up. Who would believe that a woman became hysterical over the almost-death of a fish, or called the police by accident while screaming she'd been robbed - just by chance? In their disconnect, they become more than just amusing. If humor is tragedy + time, true hilarity is mothers + madness.
Because, let's face it, people. Mom doesn't know she's crazy.
